No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Drunk is a universal language darling
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
