We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
