yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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