We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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