real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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