just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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