He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
