I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
