was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Less talking, more tequila
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
