im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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