meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
