Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
