Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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