you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
one two three fourrrrnication!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
