Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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