can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
