everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
