I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
