I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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