DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
