And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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