omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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