i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
