Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize