haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
