If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
