I didn't shave. On purpose
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
