That's intense
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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