He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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