Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
