is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
