Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
