She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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