...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
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I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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