I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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