i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
