Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
