Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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