don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
