we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
