Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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