apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think pants incapable of making pants work
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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