Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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