I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
