I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
