Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
