I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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