Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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