I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
