fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
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Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize