Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
as a side note pls kill me
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