Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
