so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
