he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
