my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
