she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
