That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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