And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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