the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
