____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
