I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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