Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
