ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
