just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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