It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
