she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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