I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
