I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
