"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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