Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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