RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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