Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Let's get the cat blown out
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
