A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
