school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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