i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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