i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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