I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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