i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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