Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
where am i from again
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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