I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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