so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
