if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
