Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
