This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
