You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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