Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
