I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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